Eight Hundred Eighty-Eight Hours.

Kendall has been gone for 37 days now. You know the locket Tom Hanks has in Cast Away with his wife's picture in it? This is that picture for me. I lay awake, in a cave, talking to a volleyball and flashing my flash light at this picture over and over again.

She's having a blast in South America and has sent me some really strange pictures-- some of Pablo Neruda, some of tiny snowmen.

In writing this blog post I realized that today is hump day: Kendall has been gone for 37 days, she will be home in 37 days. There's some good news.

I finally broke down and started a twitter account. At last I can share with the world all of the white knuckle excitement that is me seeing Alex's dad in Tuscaloosa or shaving off my mustache. Exciting stuff.

The summer has been very hectic: class every day-- 3 books a week, growing church responsibilities and a new boss and administrative assistant at work. Work I think has been the hardest to adjust to; my last boss was such a character that I had gotten used to his crazy way of running things. The new guy is nice, but does his own thing and I don't know him very well yet. Busy, busy, busy.

I've been teaching my first Wednesday night class on "The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young. The discussion in it has been wonderful. To be honest, I had no idea what to expect for attendance, discussion or opinion on the book. Everyone has been faithful about coming, talking and getting into the book. Not all of them agree with or like it, but they're all excited to be talking about the points it's trying to make. Next Wednesday will be the final meeting of the class. I'll spend July trying to work up a lesson plan to teach a class on something (probably one of the Gospels) in August.

I had such high hopes for updating this thing more often... Ah, well.
Ben

We came to break the bad; We came to cheer the sad

12Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Col 3:12-15

Six Billion People

And all of you so beautiful
I want to bring you home with me
to sit close on the couch.

My invitation inserted in six billion bottles,
corked with bark from the final forest
and dropped in the ocean of my longing.

We would speak the language of no words,
pass the jug of our drunken joy
at being babies growing into death.

Sometimes, I know, life is stupid, pointless,
beside the point, but here's the point
—maybe we would fall

in love, settle down together,
share the wine, the bills,
the last of the oxygen and the remote. -- Tom Chandler

A paradox of virtue

Pa-tience
-Noun
1. The quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

I needs it.

And, ironically enough, I can't wait for it.

There's only music so that there's new ringtones

It seemed like the world was conspiring against me all of Thursday and Friday. My car gave out, in the rain on the interstate. After towing it and getting a ride, I didn't get into Decatur until about 1:30am. This morning I was up and on the road up to Florence for my big interview with the Northwest District Superintendent (I work for the Southwest DS). I got lost on the way, not having street signs to help me along and the rain to boot. The good news is that the Northwest DS said he would have a church for me when I got ready to go to seminary. That means I'll be able to pastor a church.

The amount of stuff that managed to go bad all at once began to crack me up. I had to laugh-- it felt like I couldn't win for losing. And while I have some trials in front of me in the weeks ahead, with buying a car and dealing with that extra burden, I feel like things are starting to trend upwards again. I'm getting a lot out of my time at church; Wade's sermons in the morning and our evening college group are filling me up with the perspective and attitude I need.

Just four days of school and work, then its off to Orange Beach to play some guitar, drink some beer, look at the ocean and not think about anything for a good long while.

O Most Merciful God,
Call back the one who flees,
Draw back the one who resists,
Lift up the one who falls,
Support the one who stands,
And accompany the one who walks.
Amen. -- St. Thomas Aquinas

Out of the bottom of myself

Father, I feel like there is a part of me missing,
I’m exhausted from hobbling around with out it.
I think about it everyday—
Some days I’m ashamed,
Some days I’m frustrated.
Then I think of all You have put in front of me,
And I just feel guilty about all of it.

Abba, be my focus.
Keep my heart and eyes on You.
Put the strength back in my legs,
And lift me out of the bottom of myself.
Amen.

Meditation on "big L" Love

The Lord is compassion and love,
slow to anger and rich in mercy.
God does not treat us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our faults.
From Psalm 103

When I first read this passage I realized how foreign this idea was to me. When I was little I was given the basic WASP-y theology: if you’re good you go to Heaven and if you’re bad you go to Hell (but don’t talk about that second part). The weird thing is, that’s not exactly how it goes. This passage shows that God doesn’t have favorites, we aren’t playing on an uneven playing field. God’s love isn’t divied out in proportion to your virtue—God’s love can’t be quantified that way.

THAT’S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!! No one told me that when I was little. Given, I know that idea is a little abstract for “children's church,” but I think it might have spared me some heart/headache over the years. “God loves you no matter what you do. He does good things for you because He loves you. We do good things for each other to show we love Him.”

Where can you hide from that kind of love? It is so strange to think that someone, anyone, could love me just as much as Brother Roger. If you put my life next to his, even I would choose him over me. I’m going out on a limb, but here it is: My Father loves me just as much as Jesus Christ because God’s love is limitless. To say that God loves me less would suggest that there’s a place where God’s love for me stops. That’s what my faith is: a trust that such a place does not and CANNOT exist. Nothing my thick skull can cook up would ever make Him throw his hands up and say, “Done!”

A cynical person would suggest that if true, this would be a written invitation to do whatever I want knowing that He’ll always forgive me. But I’m just in awe of that Love-- I’m completely accepted, in spite of all of the rotten things I’ve done and said in my life. I’ve been loved so much that I’ve been guided safely through 21 years. Years of stumbling, sin, and active, aggressive, disbelief.

“Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” But the father said to his slaves, “Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!” And they began to celebrate. Luke 15